F O R H I M

keys and keychains.

2008-08-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

the truth is that i'd indeed abandoned this. but after meeting the girls on thur, i realised that dear cher still reads this. so for you. (i want photos of candyland!)

i think all the sushi chefs and waitresses were eavesdropping at our conversation on thursday noon. because there was a moment when we all gasped in unison when tiffy dropped the bomb.

well, as usual. it's life and commitments and moments.

okay. on a sillier note, i lost the key to the lock on my bike. All within two hours and in that two hours i was only in the church office and the toilet. I think i threw it into the bin. SIGH.
my bike is currently chain-locked to the window grill. what am i to do?!

one more week of holiday. i better get the best out of it before dearly beloved architecture starts it reign over my life again.

sunday is coming again. ((:

happy hippo

2008-07-31T11:19:00.001+08:00

he reminds me of a very self-conscious person.
and the dog reminds me of jere at church camp.

general account

2008-07-28T11:24:00.001+08:00

the madness of bidding will drive me up the wall.

what's the point of having 2332 points in my programme acct when i only need 1 bid point to get my core modules?

ROAR.

golden land

2008-07-22T11:54:00.002+08:00

i'm back.
but because of the many limitations and also political issues, there will not be much photos and thoughts from me.
well, unless you ask.
(:

all things aside;

2008-07-17T17:57:00.003+08:00

the joy in my life, no matter the distance that separates us.

i'm leaving early in the morning tomorrow.
and God willingly we'll all be back safely on monday night.
pray for us.

tomorrow we'll be helping out in the construction of the ruined buildings(FUN!),
saturday; a meeting with the relief committee,
sunday; worshiping with the burmese and listening to God's word being preached in burmese.
monday; i've no idea what but 3pm flight home (we're supposed to arrive at 6pm, but because of time differences, we're arriving at 2100.)

alright.
my bag is packed.

nightmare in myanmar

2008-07-16T10:16:00.002+08:00

i've been having nightmares about the trip. But that aside..

because there are only two 'youths' going for the trip,
because i'm the only female (which means i don't have to prepare exhortations),
i've been appointed the trip's secretary, treasurer and photographer.
wow.
(it's good to be kept busy, lest i get overly paranoid..)

my visa has been approved but our flight details are still hazy.
i've no idea if i'm leaving on friday or saturday
(but i'm bummed because i'm going to miss rehearsals..)

thank God above all.
(:

are u allergic to anything?

2008-07-09T23:15:00.004+08:00

for the record, ansleytan is back home, again.
and dimsum was a hot spicy affair.
(:

and i'm so proud i finally got my jab!
i went into the consulation room with a panicky butterflies-in-tummy face,
and i came out beaming.

"do you have any allergy to any medicine?"
"eh. nope. but i don't like needles."
"don't worry, i'm good at this."
sure.
$140 okay.
bw said i'm paying for the painless-ness.
-i think so too.

anyway, i'm the only girl flying to myanmar with 3 men. and i've to sleep on my own. (my visa is the only one that has not be approved. i reckon it's because i'm a female...).

please pray for journey mercy.
(:

jumping sequence

2008-07-07T10:26:00.004+08:00

my new favorite place.
(:

daily noise

2008-07-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

maybe because certain constants have been changed, i no longer feel that there are much to say. That's ironic but do you get what i mean?

events of the past week have been efficiently posted on facebook. so, in the end, there ain't much left for me here.

i think i need to get another tuition kid soon. I can't believe i actually miss teaching desmond. I think i find his trust that i know everything very endearing.
(why do i feel that i'd betrayed him?)

dance. (oh dance.)
(how great a change this is. who would ever thought? me. It could actually be a joke)
anyhow, it'd been good. but i have my struggles too.
my ugly dance.

and lastly, myanmar. courage, a little mustard seed that has not been sown. I can't bring myself to get the typhoid jab. (will i be safe enough if i just buy insurance?)

i don't want school to start.

not anymore.

2008-07-02T11:50:00.001+08:00

here's that that is left.

pray for me.

2008-06-29T23:39:00.003+08:00

"it was good while it lasted."

so, upon much prayer and thoughts, i've decided to grasp this opportunity to head to Myammer this coming July. Chaos and catastrophes aside, i know this trip will be a spiritually enriching one. I think it'll be humbling to interact with the Burmese christians. Of course, it's on my own accord to put myself in that condition (if endau rompin had made me enjoy Singapore more, i don't know how myammer will 'renew' me.), so i'll have no room to complain.

(sorry at!)

(recently i've been robbed of words.)

questions.

2008-06-26T10:43:00.010+08:00

there were days when i queried the very being of my existence.
"what is the purpose of living."
i have the answer knocking at the door of my head; why have i not let him in.
if by sieving through the past could bring me near victory, i would gladly sell my soul.
but no, that will be like a house without windows and doors.
there's no way to get in, nor out.
what's the fun in fun?

get over it now.

alright. emo entry aside;

i finally summoned the strength to cycle to the library.
(and i decided that since i was already out, i might as well visit the doctor)
so, i've new books and a cure for the certain virus that has been keeping me up for the past three weeks.
goodbye insomnia.

i reached home to find a parcel sitting in my letterbox.

"why not?" the web of thoughts spun an idea in my head.
i slid the zip open like a surgeon slicing through his patient's stomach.
i tossed it over my head and it glided like perfection, and then halt suddenly like a mistake, my shoulders were jammed.
i heaved and shoved to get my arms through,
and then it sat, like a little girl prim and proper (although all she wanted was to get out of that icky laced dress).
when i realised, i got to get it off.
so i heaved and pulled, tugged and lugged, i jumped, squirmed, i manipulated my elbows, my shoulder,
"no, i'm not letting go." the little girl declared. she clung onto me, a sticky tape stuck on plastic.
"oh silly insolent, get off now, will you?"
one last might, i held my breath.
AH, finally, freed, at last.

fluid days

2008-06-24T15:16:00.004+08:00

and boredom strikes. it's mid afternoon and i've 3 more hours to spare before i embark on the whole procedure of dressing up and going for dance class. I'm still seeking a more effective way of making my mornings more seemingly worthy of at least a journal entry.

and the only thing that i'd done all morning that is worthy to be said is that i did my QT.

However, i can annouce with much zeal and enthusiasm that i do not miss school, AT ALL. and oh, just to keep this process of updating my faithful (whom could be as bored as me) readers (whoever you are), i'm accepted into laselle (sortof anyway).

BUT, i refused to admit defeat to dear old vicious ARCHITECTURE. so i'll stay and continue this battle of "design or die". so, dear architecture, can u be nice to me? You'd dealt so hard with me last semester.

i'm really enjoying my holidays, nonetheless.
(may i now direct you to my previous post for pictures.)

here's a smile for whoever you are.
(:

creation and disaster.

2008-06-24T11:24:00.020+08:00

church camp in melacca

endau rompin; johor

my shoes are really sediment free.

finally home.

2008-06-15T00:11:00.002+08:00

finally, like suddenly,
every single member of my family is home.
everyone, including dad (when he's only due home tmr).

so as sudden as i was devoid of homely company,
my house is suddenly filled again.
the usual commotion, everything is back to normal.
(just that i'm leaving in a day)

(wow. i'd never missed noise so much)

my stomach is acting up.
maybe i'm too excited to see my family home.
:X

i need a proper meal; like now.

what?!

2008-06-12T21:19:00.002+08:00

i've enough of 'exciting' happenings.
i am going to lock myself up and i'm not going to step out of the house until my family comes home.

i decided to walk keiko today, and the moment we left the house this horrible stray cat charged toward him, pounced on him and scratched him. (like multiple times.)
it was like a tug of war between me and the cat (obviously i was scrambling to get the mean feline off his back.)
(the following sentence might end me up in jail)
in the act of self-defense, i threw my pretty birks at the hissing creature (both sides.. plus the newspaper and my keys.)
(and i was shouting/screaming like mad at it, i looked like a lunatic in the middle of the street. my neighbor thought i was attacked. well, partially true .)

i can't take anymore excitement.
i might die of a heart attack.

pain and typhoid.

2008-06-12T00:30:00.003+08:00

did i mention, things are getting quite 'exciting'.
monday was the police check, today, that dearest shar got bitten by the mentally depressed keiko.
it was so much a scare; the blood was coming out in bubbles into the bowl of ice.
and her mom is so mad at me, shar is permanently forbidden to stayover.

anyway, so much happened when i'm all alone.. just to be on the safe side i decided to buy insurance for the trip next week.
(also because i'm supposed to get a jab, but my phobia for needles is too overwhelming, so i'll buy and risk my life and get insured if anything really went wrong.)

(i forgot i was typing this so i went to type an email.. )

-recently, i've been talking so much. it feels weird. (i'm weird la.)

police check

2008-06-10T10:40:00.003+08:00

last night/this morning shar and i were having some bff time and i decided that we should drive to the ex-cemetery at potong pasir.

"can i don't wear the seat belt?"

it was 2am in the morning and there was a police block.
"wah. i never experienced this before."

(shone torch in and gestured for shar to lower her window)
police: please pull up along the side of the road because firstly, you did not put on your seat belt.
(what's the second reason?)

okay. so now the cops have my details and i'm awaiting a letter.
(i just realised i won't be home next week.. i'm gg to be so dead if my mom finds out.)
):

What are the penalties for drivers and passengers of private cars who are not belted up?
$120 fine will be imposed on the passenger who is not belted up. The driver will be fined $120 and given 3 demerit points for failing to ensure that his passenger is belted up. (If e.g. 3 passengers are not belted up, the driver will be fined only $120 and given 3 demerit points for not ensuring that his 3 passengers are not belted up.)

-i'm screwed.

our life is so exciting.

it is i.

2008-06-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

the yearly household chores affair is back. i am bonded to my house for the next one week. everybody is going/has gone overseas.

i can't believe my mum left me all alone at home;
this is bad.

"i've no one to call if i got into an accident."
"what are people in church for?"
-so please, pick up my call.

plants and fascination.

2008-06-06T15:21:00.001+08:00

treetop walk with bff

we walked and we walked and we walked.
the day we hiked for 3 hours.

number tags

2008-06-04T22:35:00.002+08:00

i'm #22

if we were all made to wear number tags and we were told to seek for our other half who wear a certain number, say #1234, then we would know who is really for us.
so say, if God told me that i should seek #1234, i don't have to fret because i know at least i have #1234. (do you get what i'm trying to say?)

(this idea was snatched from the mind of gilsy loo when it was in full swing.)

dinner and rooftop (again)

2008-06-02T23:45:00.003+08:00

they backpacked for eight months; worked in Perth for two months and used all that money to backpack around Asia.
they are only 21 and 20.

"we don't get lost because we don't have a destination"

to do.

2008-06-01T20:52:00.002+08:00

fly a kite

go for a walk

appreciate art

pick up a new skill

reply a letter

write a mail

read books

clear my stuff

decide the course

get a tan

plan a trip

disappear.

picnic, 881, results, singing and things to do.

2008-05-31T11:27:00.007+08:00

(i've never really like to list the things i'd done, but yesterday was quite eventful, so i shall try..)

yesterday's picnic was strangely weird but in a nice way. We travelled from the north to the east to meet the grey dark sky, again. So we compromised and had an indoor "picnic" instead. Really a picnic because we ate right out of the mat on the shiny white marble floor (which was supposed to stimulate grass..)

shar was the birds and i was the waves. if u get what i'm trying to say, we'd a mock picnic because the weather these days changes as abruptly as me (i don't know why 'me' but whatever).

mao's little red book is almost politically queer but i always like strange people like that. just that mao did not awe me as much as hitler had (awe, but in a bad way..).

881's like "techno cat" funny and that's enough said
(and then i checked my results. wrong move.)

zs whipped out the guitar and instead of mahjong, we ended up singing (i think we lasted for 2hours. even though it doesn't seem that long then..)

(and justus almost flew off the chair but he's a bit warped like this..)

and i realised that i'm the only one there who is clueless as to how the chords work. (yes, i do have a guitar (albeit a really lousy one..) sitting at the top of my mom's wardrobe.)

we skipped dinner and headed to island creamery instead (second wrong move, i went home with a horribly terrible gastric).

My poor pretty green havianas (which has a bling..) gave up on me. So i was barefooted for the night. It doesn't really matter if i don't have to take the bus. (even the bus driver was staring but i pretended that such acts are as natural as my daily behavior..)

(i threw my dear slippers away the moment i got off the bus..)

my estate was engulfed in smoke last night. somewhere , somehow, seemed to be on fire..

so here, my eventful yesterday.
(pictures, as usual, so long as it's not taken by my camera, are all in facebook.)

(i wanted to list things i want to do for the remaining hols, but the post is getting too long.)

ole six ole seven ole eight

2008-05-28T11:49:00.042+08:00

i cleared the memory card in my phone, and here are snippets of shots from the past three years.

coffee and rooftops.

2008-05-27T23:53:00.002+08:00

thank you bff, today was good.
(:

caffeine has gotten into my blood, there's no way i can sleep tonight.

i just received an email regarding my interview. funny how i'm going for an interview and yet i still can't decide if i really should accept this change. but i'm thankful. i've finally worked up the guts to do something against the social norm. (it doesn't matter if my mother refused to comment on this despicable act..)

results are coming out real soon, and that's one of the determining factor of my future ahead..

let go and let God, i wonder if i had.

alarm clocks and rain stain.

2008-05-26T09:50:00.004+08:00

i swear my sister hates me. i made her late for school today. :X
i couldn't help it that i switched the alarm clock off immediately when it blasted into my ear, and it's definitely not my fault, she placed it on my bed stand.
and i know she hates me because she has this 'habit' of hissing my name under her breath when she's mad at me..
(but i don't really care.)

and i couldn't go back to bed, no matter the ugly eye bags.

it started raining and i was too overly tempted,
i went out to stand under the rain, so i'm drenched now, but it's rejuvenating.
i've fallen in love with today's moody weather (it matches my mood).

chilling breeze reminds me of happier days away from this land.
it's the kind of breeze that hangs onto your skin like a thin film and no matter how you try to shield from it, it just stays there, clinging onto you.

the drizzle, low rumbling of the sky, the calling of the birds are that that remind me of living.

i used to hate raining days; they often rob my days. today's different.

it's bout time i visit my secret place.

sea sky

2008-05-25T19:32:00.004+08:00

like the sea is like the sky.
if u look out the window right at this moment, you will notice the sky looks like the calm ocean.
a lit sky looks more prospective than one darken by the night.

i'm quite certain it's what i want to do. All i seek is for your blessing.
"you know i can't talk to her. She'll flare and i will too."

i was so glad that i managed to trap this flying ant into the bin and then it found it's way out again.

currently i have so many tentative events running in my head..
one. we're planning a trip out..guess where? ((:
two. i'm leaving architecture (for good..)
three. i'm going to work for p.osh.

this was taken 3 year ago.
this year is a bad harvest year.
our annual mango reaping season only amount to 10 or less mangoes.
usually it's over the 50's.
(they are still as awesome, nonetheless.)

mailing time..

no comment.

2008-05-24T00:50:00.003+08:00

my head. my head is wreck in pain. like a creature gnawing at every cell. i've never met such a persistent headache. (whom am i kidding, i said it's persistent.) i'm heavily burdened by the issues of life. if i could; it's a quaterlife crisis. quote, unquote. recent turn of events, or rather the lack of running events, spinned the web of thoughts in my already partially insanely handicapped mind. God, my life, my course, my family, cost, love and the like. what am i to do with myself?

i put a song in my player and it'd been on repeat for the past two hours. i don't play the rest much anymore because they either remind me too much of disgusting school or just issues. i need new feelgood songs.

life's a waiting game. life, that's what we constantly try to define when there's no purpose in it.

surfacing.

2008-05-22T12:17:00.002+08:00

what is it like to have your life watched as though you are a frog in a glass bowl?
lungs expanding, bubbles in the water, limbs moving to the tuneless whistle.
-i was never a fan of frogs. but i think the sound of bull frogs is quite sleep inducing.

i wake up every morning thinking what i should accomplish today. . i think maybe i'll work as a florist. (:

if u can't believe how incredibly aimless i've become, you should because i am going to crash gill's psych lecture later. maybe i'll be psyched for psych.

on a little less on living, i'm tempted to drop out of architecture and transfer to interior design instead. (this got to work some guts.)

alright. i should leave soon because i will be late for schooool...

healing never felt so good.

2008-05-21T11:13:00.002+08:00

thank God.
off with the rash, i'm healed.
(:

i intended to go for a run in the morning but sleep got the better of me.
so, to make do, i took out my ballet slippers and did some routines.
i pranced around the house as if i'm on drugs.
i think i just cracked every bone in my body.

we made tiramisu yesterday and it was quite a blast. everything from a dinner that had overload of salt, black bean chicken, alcoholic veg, porridge-like chicken rice, zs retarded whipping of the cream, art student being able to do an algebra question which a science student can't, to owl hooting by a quirky human.

stranger in the sky.

2008-05-20T17:21:00.003+08:00

i'm going to do a painting on this.
it's strangely dark.

yesterday i told yaz,
"architecture ruin my life."
but i also told him,
"i'm not going to let architecture defeat me. i'm going to stay and prove that i can be as awesome as she can get."
he's probably one of the few who share (or rather, acknowledge) my sentiment on this morbidness.

10 more days to result day.

dermatitis.

2008-05-19T10:30:00.005+08:00

over these past few days, i've suddenly become a rash expert. i read up on all the possible causes of/solutions to this horrible irritation.

i could almost be proud of myself.. just that i'm still stuck at home with my blotches.

i'm supposed to be out trekking instead i'm stuck here, me and my laptop, and a mother who is suddenly obsessed with cleaning because of my disease..

grant me healing.

itch.

2008-05-17T19:54:00.003+08:00

not all nights are dark
(this spells loneliness)

confinement day number three;
i'm going to run out of things to do.
i painted, read, watched movies, tried to look for a job, and napped.
i've been trapped in this air-conditioned room and i desperately want to head out.
it's saturday night, i'm home.

insert pretty pictures.

2008-05-16T20:35:00.002+08:00

i wanted to put up an awful picture of my rash up here but i think it'll scare everyone away. it's not letting up. ):
it came back when i stopped my doses so now i'm back on again. i've been confined home for the past two days already, it's getting depressed. there is absolutely nothing to do nor anything to eat.
(insert big SIGH here.)

"i actually have a lot of things to say, but they are things that i cannot say, so i don't know what to say."

i've been reading "she's come undone" by wally lamb and it gets kind of dark and sick somewhere in between. "she's fat, she's lonely. she was raped." what can i say?

i hope i will be well enough to head down to peirce reservoir tmr.

oh.

have i told anybody? i disappeared on desmond.. i can't help it that i didn't get any reply. i'm actually a very irresponsible person.

my place is in a mess. but my meds make me groggy so there's no way i can clean up. (i need to stop making excuses like that.)

bumps and scratches

2008-05-15T10:16:00.004+08:00

rash attack! and once again for no apparent reason. i think i need to see a doctor soon. This is horrible, i want to visit the library but there's no way i can leave my house with all these weird patches all over me.

i'm "uglyifield".
BAH.

2013hrs;

my doctor got a shock when i shown him my rash;
"woah. did u drink alcohol?!"
"do u want a jab, it will heal faster.."

"eh. i think don't need la.."
i've not plucked up enough courage to let any syringe near me.

i went out in pants and a cardigan even though the sun was merciless because i can't possibly scare people off with my blotches of red.

i was a walking swollen bun. :X

thank God for pills. the doc gave me one that will make me drowsy so that i can sleep better. I think he can tell that i'm under the spell of insomnia.

sixfourtyfour

2008-05-14T06:46:00.003+08:00

it took me a horribly long time to fall asleep last night/this morning. i decided to be good and went to bed at 12am, but at 2am i was still struggling to sleep. i got jolted up by my brother who scaled to the window of my room to ask me for the house keys.

5am and i fell into an uneasy sleep.

6.30am. i swear i wanted to kill my sister's alarm clock which she very 'kindly' placed at the foot of the bed. and i'd to wake up to send her to school..

6.44am. my mom decided that since i've no plans for the morning, she can send my sister instead..

6.51am. i'm here because my body refused to give in to the arms of sleep.. (maybe it's because i just changed the bed clothes and it's not my lovely blue cow..instead it's a beaming yellow one)

anyway, i'm not flying anymore. only in dec. but i am definitely going somewhere this hols.

toilets and buildings.

2008-05-12T23:11:00.009+08:00

gill and i went on a toilet camera frenzy. (: (and getting lost everywhere we go..)

"just go wherever la, then we see where we end up.."

and the ecstasy of living in commonwealth; fortieth floor thrill.

flying to the moon, in winter or in spring?

2008-05-11T22:59:00.002+08:00

god wiliingly, i'm flying off this coming week,
god willingly, i'll fly off in july.
wei'er asked me to be more decisive, but at least, what is settled is that i am indeed flying.

"at this point in time, it's not being decisive, it's being rash."

i need to make my decision latest by tuesday.
HELP!

eight o six.

2008-05-10T12:48:00.005+08:00

the time the light beamed in my face. i'm suffering from a severe bout of archi-insomnia. i can't sleep before midnight and i wake up at bout eight. (even lazing in bed feels weird..)

i like the colour of my nails now even though gill said it's so goth ("it's so you."). I said i like it because it's the colour of a clear night sky. recently, i developed a fetish for blue, dark deep sky blue with a hint of purple.

i couldn't sleep so i wrote a postcard and only one person will get to read it. (:

tonight shall be a real fun night cooking dinner. (it seems as though bff read my lj.. ). i suggested an impromptu cooking so we're just going to grab whatever we see on the sheves and dump it all into the pot.. :X

i just went to watch a rugby match and it was (how should i put it..) a tad too soft for me. maybe i'm too used to all the rough and tumble and ruggedness by guys.. watching girls play contact seems funny. (i'm sure it's a very hard game to play.)

but it makes me feel like sprinting again. the feeling of scoring a touchdown is like WOW.

-off to prayer meeting..

p.s. the men in my house are away so now i 'own' the car. ((:

lies and fantasies, my random thoughts, let it be.

2008-05-08T01:32:00.003+08:00

this is the good book i got. and i've yet to find the nice quaint cafe.

i'm here because i've been in bed for the past half an hour and i cannot sleep. my life's a joke because i kept sleeping when i was having my exams and now i'm suffering from insomnia.

fats(whom shall not be named) wrote something along this line; i will be willing to die if the people i love will be granted longevity on that premise. i think it's a very ironic statement.i told her not to die for me. (nat and i got a kick repeating that line to whatever she says.)

(and i got a kick doing the fats smile.)

if life is short, let it be.

i don't want to work in sentosa but it sounds like a good deal. :X

i met my dad at the playground while on my way home and he asked me to hold his hand as we walked home. i can't remember when was the last time we walked like this.

oh. and my dad is willing to pay for my airtickets. my parents seem quite joyous to be rid of me for 10 days. so i might be flying in july. ((:

waxing was awesome. (really, i am not insane.)

my muscles, every single kind, are aching like mad from yesterday's terribly vigorous dance routine. i told bff, "my muscles are aching so bad, i'm walking like a geisha."

i really want to sleep.

liberty at last!

2008-05-06T13:59:00.002+08:00

I've bout 4 weeks (well, 26 days to be exact) to enjoy in blissful ignorance and i should not let it slipped. well, let's think of failure only when it's place right outside my door (and i can always not let it in, but that's being insolent.)

i've quite a bundle dumped in my to-do list but the thing is that they are not enjoyable things to do.
e.g. clearing up the dustball-load of books i've on the floor and stacked precariously at the edge of my table; throwing out all my models even though we were adviced(warned, actually) to keep them all for RIBA(don't ask me what it is, google it) review.

i would love to get my hands on a nice good book and settle in a nice quaint cafe outside town and spend my afternoon with a pot of tea.
(it'll be much lovelier if i'm not in singapore..)

plans to fly this coming july are quite dampened by the prices of airticket. and sieving through so many webs and having so many browsers open all at one go are making my head spin with figures. anyone have $1273 to spare? (and that's only the price for the flight. food and boarding how?)

i need a getaway retreat to a faraway island soon.

white, so you'll be blind.

2008-05-04T21:57:00.003+08:00

i'll never cease complaining bout the dreaded weather. But that man brought it up a notch, he fought the weather by jogging with an umbrella.Unbelievable, such determination.
(i was really mean. i couldn't stop laughing at him..)

i kept getting seized by the thought of my impending failure this semester. And that thought paralysed my ability to think rationally and yet, it gives me a sense of escape. If failure means i can fly away, why not?
(see, i told you i'm not rational)

i need a job so that i can earn enough money to fly to see byron bay this december.
(seriously.)

i've a fetish for brackets (like this.)

i like talking to my sister. it makes me happy.(as simple as that) as in the sister in brisbane. oh yea, but last night, serena and i couldn't sleep so we ended up talking in the darkness. It'd been long since i laughed at her horrible life. (i'm actually a really mean person.)

talking to wei'er makes me feel as though this life belongs to me. other than that, i'm like a walking ghost.

i'm being random today.

i've many fears. i'm afraid one day my father will not come back from his daily walk.

i'm not afraid of death (maybe i will if it's apparent but not now..), but i'm afraid of the deaths of people whom i might love.

i dreamt that i got married but i wasn't a happy bride because i did not marry someone i love.
(no, bff, don't say anything because you know i will 'kill' you.. sorry, private joke.)

i do not like my post to be too long because it'll be a very hard reading.
(sorry, i'm blind like this.)

twelve moons.

2008-05-03T21:09:00.002+08:00

yes, i finally pick up my econ text because i've found a companion to study with. ((: just that halfway thru we ended up making purchases online because it was too hot to study. but now we've nice shirts!

i'm a little slow but i do like threadless.com
(:

tonight there will be twelve moons. i've not been a good student this semester. but ohwells. i'm afraid i might have to use up two s/u options.

i don't know what i'm trying to say. but we don't care, yea?

if i allow it to swallow me, i am not me.

2008-05-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

after four months hiatus, i'm back with a vengeance. i went out to run and i am keeping to it. it'd never been so good.

i put on the "run like hell" shirt and i don't care what people think. because i was going to run, like hell.

i like morning runs, but night runs are the ones that relieve me of reality. because in the darkness, you don't see yourself. i love being alone.

i really love the night. the scent, the sound, the purple clouds in the dark blue sky.

i absolutely adore the feeling of the wind running through my hair. i sprinted up the slope and it's exhilarating.

i ran to the playground and realised that the leaves are not the same lime green ones anymore. i wanted to see if they'd change, so that i can say that "it'd always stayed the same." but i guess not.

i sat on the swing and sorted through my memories. i am ready to go.

when sweat fall, you don't see the tears anymore.

i like my little estate.

i followed the same path and then decided that, i am leaving already. so i crossed the road and break the spell.

if i was ever at peace with myself, it was when i was running.

life is wonderful.

2008-05-01T01:13:00.001+08:00

i only want to remember.

any more blows i'll be lying in my grave.

2008-04-29T21:11:00.002+08:00

i'm sure there's one huge one to come.

"have you seen anyone look more bored studying.", i asked.
it's unbelievable. construction paper is tmr and i'm losing my head. i'm plagued with the constant bout of fatigue. i want to sleep all the time.

every time exam draw near, i can't help but lament that "i've never been so unprepared before."

please, i'm getting too old to study. my head is going to kill me soon.

another random archi thought..

2008-04-26T09:42:00.005+08:00

even though studying for this construction module has been anything but smooth-sailing, it's only by studying it that i realised i'm actually in love with stairs. (:

maybe it's the concept of being able to access somewhere above, because without it, there's really no other way to. (well, unless you're spiderman or something of similar ability)

and then it could also be the beauty. honestly, i think stairways are sexy. the closed proximity between the wall and the baluster embraces one as one ascends or descends. it's almost like the feeling of being in love.

A beautiful stairs is when so much work went into the detailing that one could not see the joints but thread floating magically one above another.

one last insertion;

i think spiral stairs are the sexiest.
(:

because the mystery unfolds as you climb.

and it's still spinning.

2008-04-25T17:18:00.002+08:00

i need to stop using my illness as an excuse. i'd literally slept the whole day and i rationalised that it's okay since i'm down with a horrible 'disease'.

one good thing about being ill is that i don't feel hungry at all. :X just that i'd to force myself to eat because huge blue tablet has to be taken after every meal.

i think that's pretty smart of doctors.

sore, ache, temperature.

2008-04-24T08:52:00.003+08:00

today is thursday. three more days and i'll be taking my examination. not only have i not complete my revision, i've taken ill. contrary to popular belief, i'm not a very fit person. i think i caught this bug from gill. :X

hopefully the doctor will be my savior.

i'm getting dizzy in my head. ):
you know the feeling when you stand up and you can feel the floor, wall, ceiling spin round and round?

/edited.

thanks at for bringing me to the doctor.
(:

i've yet to eat the cough medicine because i detest syrup. plus it's black..(so yuck.)

it's okay because i've always been at this end.

2008-04-21T22:40:00.003+08:00

my head's pounding and it's not relenting. it's impossible that so many issues all come pouring down all at the same time. do the solutions come all at once too?

i reckon.

i foresee a much easier life after the 6th of May. Just that the day of the release of the result might be the end of me..

i think all architecture students need to have a secretary. our heads are full of design, clerical stuff like printing notes are neglected. i've 36 pdf files to feed into my printer. and i can so totally see the printer failing me.

"life suxz"
-i can't believe i've to resolve to quoting tzejung.

i've coughed out two A1 panels today and now i'm left to churn the horrendous model.

rarr!

pizza, green tea and coke.

2008-04-19T20:57:00.001+08:00

A11 picnic at THE PADANG

hey A11 girls and a guy, here are the picture from the picnic at THE PADANG.
(:

so what do u want now?

2008-04-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

nobody had ever made me want to curse and swear as much as today. i felt like throwing my sketchbook into his face and screaming profanities endlessly. Like how he immaturely threw our hard work onto the floor. I'm glad i walked out on him the moment he did it. I refused to show respect to someone who does not show the tiniest bit of respect to me.

so what if you are the assistant professor in Harvard? so what if you are the editor of a+u, the fact that you are doing what you are indicates where your capability ends. Critic, that's what you are.You are no designer.

you asked if we will die for our design. You shot me today so i died.

how low can a creature get?

i would love to wipe that disgusting smirk off your face.

pencils.

2008-04-16T23:34:00.003+08:00

after all the sketching and rendering and drawing lines,
i made yet another marvelous realisation (which is to be included into my own head, not yours, silly).

i've fallen in love with yet another tool in my kit.
so now, sleek penknife aside, i love my pencils. my box of 19 staedler mars lumograph.

pencils are really sexy.

for one, after my complaining that "pencil and lehana are not friends." i made peace and i realised "wah, she's one kind.". we are lovely friends now. (:

given the time to just sit and then picking my pencils, the hard and light 2h or the soft but dark 4b, i finally can make drawings work. i won't say i have fantastic drawings, but me and my staedtler will work things out.

but like what i am to architecture, staedtler and lehana do also have a love-hate relationship. for another reason, she can get horribly messy sometimes. but then we have another friend called eraser(who can be quite a mess sometimes too and whom which i just lost today).

one last mindless insertion; i think pencils make lovely gifts.

note: pencil as in the nice wooden kind which require the work of yet another friend; my pretty blue sharpener.

family abuse.

2008-04-15T23:14:00.002+08:00

i don't know.

why do my friends' mother treat me better than my own?

i'm sorry, i'd tried really hard already. i am giving up.

today, i finally understand why my dad always leave the house the moment he sense a brawl coming up. because i left too. Under the dark starless sky, i felt at peace with myself more than i am at home. i was still wondering why there was this persisting headache whenever i'm home.

"that's why i got married." maybe that means more than it was supposed too.

when will i get out?

cut me loose.

2008-04-14T18:40:00.003+08:00

i was blowing sawdust out of my nose and then my nose started bleeding.
(sorry, i know it's gross.)
:X

every time after i sand my wood, my nose will feel as though it's clogged with sawdust. i think i need reimbursement for my dwindling life span. My lungs are half-filled with sawdust and i still have four more years(technically) in this crazy course.

this week, i'm evolving into superman.

if there's one thing i need most now, it's prayer (and Godspeed)

anybody want to join my model-making factory?
in return, i pay you with my company, a ear to listen to any woe and a smile to share any joy.
okay, any takers here?
(:

last night, mr moon beamed at me. He was a crescent.

love fervently.

2008-04-13T19:56:00.002+08:00

sundays in church beats attending school anytime.

there was this couple fighting outside my house and the girl was devastated, screaming and then crying.

calbury chocolate world is mightily warped. because humans are made of the same material as the rest of the edible world.

i decided to let desmond read "Mathilda" during tuition. Roald Dahl 's dark humor appeals to me so much i'm afraid to let desmond read on because he might become as skeptical as i am now.

i need to start studying but flightplan seems more exciting.

farewell, a yearly affair.

2008-04-12T16:46:00.002+08:00

today i sent my smile off.

if i believe that i am superman, will i be?

2008-04-10T07:23:00.002+08:00

my father is finally home from Nairobi.

on tuesday night, i slept at twelve and intended to wake up at 6.30am. i woke up at 8.30am instead. last night/this morning i slept at 3am and intended to wake up at 6.30am. i woke up at 6.53am. the thought of my impending doom has forced my sleepless soul out of the comfort of my bed.

"we're living in a precarious time" heard that before?

"your design must have soul."
"believe in your design"
"a leap of faith"
"do you believe in the existence of God?"

let me survive today, next monday, next thursday and any another days..
please?

driving and me

2008-04-08T23:35:00.004+08:00

i drove too much today,
now when i'm here, sitting at the desk, i still feel my foot on the accelerator.

each day past by me counting the amount of near-accidents i almost got into. there's also a grudge between parking and lehana. For the past few days i had done countless more-than-3-point-turns because i kept gg the wrong way.

yesterday i turned into a dysfunctional carpark in which the idiotic barrier refused to open, and today i turned into a season-parking only carpark in which another idiotic barrier refused to open. The two carparks are beside each other.

and the cost of driving is...

petrol, ERP, parking..

parking in NUS cost 0.214cents PER MINUTE!

finally, happy.

2008-04-06T20:58:00.002+08:00

even if i don't have the time, i have this compiling urge to type something because i have this overwhelming happiness in me.

maybe because i just danced with tasha,
maybe because i have new nice songs in my playlist,
maybe because my design is finally getting somewhere,
maybe because, just because.
(:

i was stinky but with no intention to bath any time soon until i caught a whiff of the new soap in the bathroom. i have many idiosyncrasies if any of you have not realised.

if i could run again.

2008-04-05T20:45:00.003+08:00

i wanted to go for a run, but i slept instead.

sleep has become such a welcome affair these days, i'm becoming someone whom i used to snigger at. This is when revenge came striking back.

today, i climbed the stairs, up an overhead bridge (I tried to pretend that i'm still all so fit and bouncy..), i was panting (albeit secretly..) by the time i arrived at the bottom. i'm getting old.. OH GREAT.

i watched my sister agonised over races everyday. In as much as i adore adrenalin rush and speed, i don't very much appreciate the tummy upsets i received. but i still like racing.

because once in a while, i need some speed.

something in me told me that i need to work those muscles again.

RIGHT.
:X
like i have the time..

if it's enough.

2008-03-31T21:17:00.004+08:00

she stood at the door,refused to budge because the person in there is her mother.

i can't help it that i'm a major procrastinator. i've so much work to do, i'm not doing anything. econs tutorial which i totally detest ( I WILL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER ECON MOD), bahasa indo which i cannot enjoy (and no more language mod for me), designTWO which i somewhat look forward to but yet, refused to embark, just because.

thank God two modules are on hold now until the reading week. i can so totally imagine hell's fury placed upon me. :X

please God let me stop complaining.

words knocking against my skull. words pounding my brain. words. empty words. words without thoughts. words. just words;

random phrases of my living has ceased entering the realm of my thinking, maybe, my imagination too. Time, a pretty unfriendly fellow, has robbed me of my thoughts. I would have beheaded him, just that i don't know where to find him. Can you understand this irony of mine?

hammer me.

2008-03-29T18:18:00.008+08:00

the mess. the hard work. the hammering. the drills. the screwdrivers. the arguments. the peace settlement. the post-rationalising. the compromise. the sweat. the sleep, or rather, the lackof. the final structure. the fulfillment. the comments. we did it.

stop this construction

2008-03-26T18:15:00.003+08:00

i'm tired of tying bamboos and breathing in sawdust filled air. The workshop is potentially asthma inducing, i feel like i might just die of a lung full of dust.

but anyway, last night/this morning structure building changed my perception of the scout boys. My knots have never looked so pretty before. ((: thank God for scout boys, or rather, zs.

today feels like tuesday because my body has not rest since monday night.

this is university. believe it or not?

4.43am, thursday
and here i am again, in the wee hours of the morning. i took a nap at 12 and i'm up and running again at 2. (i watched sweeny todd as i did my factory like work!)

Did i really mean it when i said, "i refused to sell my life to architecture."

after tmr, i am going into a 24hr coma.

recently i have stopped thinking. Thinking has become redundant because time is too precious for us to indulge in that. Someone please feed me some intelligence.

my week has merged together into one long day. My longest day still.

back to construction.

i'm am a very safe driver.

2008-03-22T23:47:00.002+08:00

and so after a week of being a qualified driver, i finally get to go behind the wheels for the past two days. it's nerve-wreckingly, to say in a singaporean way, shiok. (:
the action of being in control has never been so exciting before. But i must emphasize, i am a really safe driver. i promise. like max speed 60km/h safe. ((: so if you see a black hyundai matrix or a red honda civic with a P-plate, do try to give way and you're free to overtake me (just please give me ample time to react to you zooming past. like honk or something, i don't mind. HAHA)

i need You.

a conscious effort forward.

2008-03-19T21:17:00.005+08:00

as many kept looking at what's behind them, i stared onward ahead, i want to graduate. i was taught to keep my eyes on not just the finishing line, but way beyond that. so that's where i am now, aiming for that ultimate goal.

but some days we have to look back and see. Have i grown in thee?
all these were my life. Were because i no longer race, i'm no longer within the ridiculous rigid system. Were because my family has changed.

i am seeking You.

it would have slipped but i slept.

2008-03-18T17:51:00.002+08:00

A warm day reminds me of a pleasant lazy day. I like looking at the sunlight streaming into my room. I like looking at it flowing out into the infinite darkness. Memories are relative. Memories are illusive. I may feel a sense of nostalgia but never had i remember. I can't remember which lazy day i had fell particularly in love with. My days overlapped, my head forms its own identity. So much so, the events running in my head are no longer coherent.

they would have told me that i am depressed. why am i talking as though time has been taken from me? but you know, the thing is that we'll never know. i'm sure you know that.

today i ran away and came home.

because some days i just want to be free of all commitments. maybe, just maybe, not some days, but everyday.

i want to sleep. do you even know that? how can i sleep with you pounding in my head. i would have sigh and turn away from you but you are always in my face. because you refused to let me go.

sometimes i wonder what's life without you.

i may not die for you. but i would have died under you. you are taking me away from me. and i don't like that but i am letting you. do you even understand.

you're too intangible. too much for my impertinent head to comprehend.

are you still for me? because i still want to be with you.

bloody architecture. :(

16 points.

2008-03-17T21:47:00.003+08:00

i just want to say that i passed.
Thank God, For God. (:

and i'm pretty irritated with people believing in the inferiority of the weaker sex, and even if they belong to that group, they used their years of experience to rebut your lackof. And believe it or not, i reckon they probably wouldn't make it through a second time round. so what's the big deal?

BAH.

clean me up.

2008-03-16T23:04:00.002+08:00

i like things to be neat, but i am not a neat person. i'm a freak for cleanliness, but i am super untidy. i like nice handwritings written in a most perfect straight line, but i think i like my artist scrawl more.

because of the lack of time, or rather, i am inclined to say, the lack of persuasion or sort, the mess on my table was so terrible i only had 1/6 of the table for my work. so, i roped in my sister to clear the junk for me. i finally can see the sparkling white table top again.

it's always nice to breathe fresh air.

i kept chancing upon letters of ages past as the layers of mess slowly peeled off. but now that the burdens are off, we start life anew, like the page i start my sketch of the organised city.

xiaowen said, "you better pass your test tmr cos i will be praying for you."
fats said, "..and you'll passsss and then you can drive me to school."
shar said " pls pass and then you can drive me around."

God willingly, let me beam tomorrow. (:

when my hectic lifestyle came crashing down on me.

2008-03-15T08:27:00.002+08:00

i am in complete irritation with myself;

this week has become the worst week i can have, ever.

i suffered under the hands of the horrible flu and i am still suffering from the aftermath. i was super miserable because i can't taste anything that i ate. it usually doesn't really matter but i was dining at this superbly nice Arab restaurant.

thursday; i felt like i'm swimming up a gushing river. i'm spent and yet, i can't stop struggling because i'll drown.

friday; drank a tad tooo much and i returned home with my head too clear. probably one of the last time that i can drink while out on a friday night, if i passed my test on monday.

and talking about driving. i slept at 230am and had to dragged my poor feet to the driving school at 745am when i realised that i booked for the lesson on thur and not sat. Which means 72$ just went down the drain and my test is on monday. i could have panicked but my mum suggested that i should drive the car out tonight. so, now i'm cool.

i scored a terrible horrible score for econs mid sem. i swear econs surely do hate me; just like i don't get any sense out of it. but i'm still bummed. :X

my bahasa indo ibu(s) is/are going to kill me because i've already missed 3lessons and i'll miss one more on monday. SIGH. i do not want to s/u two module this sem LEH.
:(

why can't i learn to trust?
pray pray pray.

don't die on me.

2008-03-12T08:15:00.002+08:00

sitting there has been my greatest inspiration.

my usual 730am habit. i always reach school waaaay to early.

i arrived to a dead studio. Not dead as in empty kind of dead, but dead as in there were corpses sprawled on tables, chairs and the floor. We are that tired. Someone even fell asleep while using the light box.

tonight shall be my turn. oh wells, so long as i'm geared with my sleepover package, i will be fine.. in my little cupboard there are;
1. a sleeping bag
2. a blanket
3. my toiletries
4. a change of clothes
5. green tea leaves; to make tea, of course.
6. my mug and a spoon
7. my secret stash of snacks.
8. lastly, my insect repellent (HAHA)
these are what all achi-student need.

I kept getting latte' cravings recently. i miss being able to make my own drinks. ):

i guess i'll take a nap before lecture starts at 9. Heck this seemingly un-intellectual post. my brain has been quite fried recently. (:

death be unto thee.

2008-03-10T20:28:00.002+08:00

i could say that the indo test was quite messed up, but i found out i used two words correctly for the essay, so i'm quite pleased and i shall leave it at that. what can i say when halfway through the test i got so sick of writing alphabets that are so 'normal' in my eyes and yet having to form strings of readable but 'meaningless' words?

anyway, BFF (!!!), you 'spoke' to me in malay! :X

there's a certain order to a message and then a phone call. Life has its action and reaction. And when two people reacted the same way, you know that it'll probably remain so.

driving test, AGAIN. i can't do this on my own. (:

apa kabar?

2008-03-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

i need a rest. i've a head stuffed full of random indonesian phrases, it's almost at its seams now. mid sem test tomorrow, i am so certain that i'll have to declare this indo module unsatisfactory.

1,234,567 in indonesian;
sejuta dua ratus tiga puluh empat ribu lima ratus enam puluh tujuh, in oppose to the conventional
one million two hundred and thirty-four thousand five hundred and sixty-seven. maybe english is easier because i've been with it all my life.

saya senang anda.
is not as romantic as 'i love you',
(not that it matters..)

maaf, saya mau pamit;
i've to say goodbye.

a few realisations.

2008-03-05T07:52:00.002+08:00

i have new thoughts everyday.
so, upon an hour of my departure from my house,
i've realised a few seemingly unassociated things.
so here goes;

every morning even before 7.15am, a long long long queue will form just by the bus stop at clementi interchange. The queue, of course, consists mostly of retirees, old folks and even a man in wheelchair. They're queuing for the 'TODAYS' newspaper and on top of a pile of newspapers, a notice reads "the newspaper will only be distributed at 7.30am. each person entitled to one ONLY".
so old folks tend to appear in pairs and what is funny is that on their hands they're already holding a newspaper, another freely distributed one, MYPAPER.

it's really quite a sight because it reminded me of the cha can ting in HK, where all the old folks will order a pot of tea and then spend the entire morning there. tea, newspaper and all. all of them.

next realisation;
i met this woman at the junction before clementi bus interchange. she has bloody red lipsticks on and her cheeks are sagging so much so that she looks like she's constantly sad. red lipsticks and a downturn lips reminds me of a clown. i couldn't stop looking at her because i don't wish to turn up like that too..

lastly,
i was thinking about the dance class yesterday and then i guess i finally grasp the idea of contemporary dance. here's my take on it,

contemporary dance is in fact an ugly dance. Ugly not in a physical way, but ugly because it is truthful. But because it is truthful, it could also be beautiful. Depending on what's your take on life, that defination vary. i'm constraint within my dance knowledge in ballet. but looking at people like my sister or shar, i finally understood what she meant by natural. natural as in a raw unrestrained movement. i can't give you that unless you brainwashed me, literally. i've been taught to stand up straight, tuck in, point, curves and all. but we all know that life could also be full of angles and awkward movements. ugly, but it's the truth.

my thoughts for now.
smile more so that you won't end up with a downturn mouth..
(:

land of warmth

2008-02-29T20:01:00.004+08:00

hongkong field trip feb'2008

the trip was quite a blast. good food, intriguing culture, and horribly cold. i was yearning for some warmth so badly, the weather only turned better yesterday.. shopping was baik only but my feet are sore and aching like mad.

because i am determined to make it big. the visit to RMJM (this architecture firm) made me realised that i would love to become an architect.

i missed the chance to view the prison, and maybe to lock myself in.

we visited COCO CHANEL moving art tour and it's mind-blowing-ly warped but AWESOME!

i enter through a tinted glass. they took my bag and coat. they made me sit. they gave me a headphone. she spoke to me. she became the dictator. she asked me to wait, sit and feel. she asked me to stand up and turn to my left. she gave me her secrets. she shocked, wow, inspired me. naked women, in a seemingly discarded empty crate. skin, tatoo-ed pig. skin, only noticed when stained. skin. bags. coco chanel. she emptied her bag. she asked me to tell her a secret.
i said, a life. i signed, Lehana.

i decided that i'm proud of my chinese heritage and if i ever made it big (ever..), i want to be known as THE GUO YUNJIA. (:

forward march, shall we?

2008-02-24T21:07:00.001+08:00

i've been insanely happy. If by having a child means coming out of depression, Tasha indeed is the joy in my life. It's that pure pleasure of being with her all the time. What am i to do when she leave?

but that aside till april, we're going to the zoo tmr. although the trip back might trigger my failing memory, i'm not going with anyone else but the apple of my eye (cheesy, but who cares when it's true?) so, i foresee a pretty eventful day with white tigers and my favorite leopard. oh.. and that stinky otters.

i'm quite hyped for the hongkong trip too, with architecture relation nonetheless. first programme of the day when we arrive (not including the tour around the airport..), shop for food! we're going to have a picnic at the PEAK! apparently a scene not to be missed. and we'll be there till way after sunset.. Cool, i reckon.

and why, we always need some bimbotic insertion. i finally get to wear the leather trench coat which is becoming stale in the wardrobe. (:

i'm really becoming insane with the sheer delight of just looking at the most beautiful girl in the world.

i can't wait to leave.
(((:

don't laugh too much. it's mean.

2008-02-22T19:45:00.002+08:00

i finally watched jumper!
and the only reason why i wanted to watch it was because i think the idea of having a siesta on top of the Egyptian tomb is really stupefying.

it's the thought of being able to be everywhere you want. of flying.
because i want to fly, all the time.

anyway, shar and i were talking about how long we'd not walked in the rain because every time it rained, it did not fit into the existing circumstances. but talking about coincidence, it started pouring heavily when i reached home.
so i did what everybody (okay, not everybody) will do.
i took off my pumps and strolled home.

remember when it rained.

because has become my favorite word.
because i give reasons to every action and thoughts.

because it was there.

i don't know why i'm still doing this.

rosy pink.

2008-02-20T14:09:00.003+08:00

i was pretty amused when chris said that i looked rosy. "have you been doing any outdoor activities?"
((:
no, only if you consider being in studio an outdoor (out of my house, see).

and chris!
my friends saw me talking to micheal and asked me if i secretly have an angmoh boyfriend!
HAHA.

anyway, i have like 4hrs to rot before my indo dance rehearsal. not that i can rot because i need to do an indo essay on my best friend (who's my best friend?! so primary school..).. but still i'll just come up with an imaginary best friend or i can just write that i am my own best friend. but how can i write when i don't even know myself..

sorry, i need to stop rumbling.

i'm flying off to hongkong next week! i can't wait because it's not just about the architecture but also the food and shopping! and it's around 11-18deg there. (:
this is the benefit of being in architecture. sponsored to go for a field trip and we planned our own programme.
and i get to hear their beautiful dialect. canton. (: not that i can understand.
because all i know is, "hai bin dou."

cukup baik.

WRONG!

2008-02-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

be warned;
major rant session coming right up.

18/02/08. i need to remember this date.

first time ever i got trashed as a teacher. des's mom just called and complained about des's carelessness in his math problems. he got every single question in his math workbook wrong! if i were there, i might have just been cold-blooded-ly murdered by her.

awkward silence. she put down. she called back. "if you have a problem teaching him, maybe i should reconsider hiring you..".. "sure" and she hung up.

am i fired?

and then it's my presentation. thank God they like my presentation. but they said, "your design fell flat." what is worse? hating my presentation but seeing potential in my design? or the other way round. SIGH.

i was actually quite glad that today was over..until i received the call.
what a bad way to end the day... with that burden in mind.

so now, i think, maybe i was never meant to teach.
put down put down put down..

DOUBLE SIGH.
):

it's time to wake up when you start daydreaming.

2008-02-16T18:00:00.004+08:00

best ever.

THANK GOD IT'S NOT A CAVITY!
i've just been diagnosed with sensitive teeth.
and today's trip to the dental clinic left me appalled by how unfriendly the new dentist is.
he didn't even smile and so i couldn't even laugh when all the tools were spilling out of my mouth.

this is a good way to lose weight (not that i need to but..). my teeth are so clean i didn't want to eat. so yea. (:

finally a free weekend.

last night we went to carousel at DFS galleria and greg insisted that we need to order 3 cakes! but seriously they were so yum we reckoned we're going back there. earl grey filling and orange brandy filling. (: we left at bout 12 but people were still dining at the restaurant downstairs.

today is the day of reasons.

this past week, i skipped almost all my lectures and tutorials just so i can complete my design. i kept telling myself that i need to set my priority straight. and anyway, i'm the first to present on monday. the thought of having to wow my critics is making me queasy in my tummy.

contrast.

because love is the most common topic.

2008-02-15T01:30:00.003+08:00

i promise after this post i'll go back to my work.
one more A1 to go and i just have to make some last min touch up and i'll be ready for submission at 4pm tmr.
HURRAH.
not that the A1 will be fast to complete.
i used more than 6hrs for my first A1.
:X

1.32am, what time will i sleep today?

i'm having a horrible toothache.
i need to face up to the fact that i need to, have to, must see the dentist.
"are u scared to go to the dentist"
oh yes, because every time i'm on the dental chair, when suddenly my mouth seems to morph into an equipment holder (i.e. the saliva sucker tube, the driller, the polisher and whatnots), i'll feel like bursting into a violent fit of laughter.
if i'm going to die of a sudden death, the reason is because i choked on dental equipments.
thinking about it is already making me laugh (not too uncontrollably, yet).
:X

spent my entire day listening to GOLD90FM.
and sickingly corny songs had flew into my head,
and like cotton candy, stuck in my mind.
geez.

i need to stop snacking. the condition of my teeth scares me. whenever i brush my teeth, i peer at every tooth checking that there's no cavity. but today, there's this one gray DOT!

sorry, i can't get over my tooth. i don't understand, i brush my teeth oh-so-daily. :(
i really hate doctors/dentist/ and any other kind of occupation that may suddenly attempt to jab my life out of me.

the reason is because i don't like needles.

unsettled thoughts.

2008-02-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

let me settle this rumbling in my head just so i can start work with a silent mind.

firstly,
submission is on friday and i still have nothing for it. i foresee a lack of sleep and yet, the truth is i'll sleep more than ever. how many times have i said this " i'm so dead."
trust in god trust in god trust in God.
trust, teach me.

secondly,
the more i think of my driving test in march the more i want to postpone it. i mean, how many kind and nice horrible road drivers will there be at 830 in the morning. i can't take another failure lah.. :X

thirdly,
i almost wanted to fight with erwin yesterday. like i can feel my veins almost bursting with rage. but, i got his point. so oh wells. RE-DO MY DESIGN ONLY WHAT. urgh.

fourthly,
my father is going overseas and i have to squeeze with the dreaded morning peak crowd tomorrow.

fifth,
i'm taking bus now more than ever because i hate the new announcer on the train. especially before woodlands because the system will go; "going to johor bahru (GRIN GRIN)? take the SMRT cross border service 950..(grin grin grin)" REALLY, i can so totally imagine the woman grinning while recording this! and every time it starts playing, i cringe and i seriously want to strangle her.

sixth,
bus rides are really enjoyable. (:

seventh,
i'm going to spend valentine's day rushing my assignment and maybe rushing to school to print it.

lastly,
i'm depressed because i had to skip dance class today because of driving lesson. but driving was quite a blast. so, fair.

off with me now.
(:

over with the new year

2008-02-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

my mum's students are here making a total din out of themselves.
why, they kept reminding me that i'm OLD already lah.
it doesn't even feel like it's three years since i did my O's.

anyway, last night's musical was quite a blast. greg and i couldn't stop musing over the fact that the lead singer; mindee something was outshone by her co-cast, emma yong. Hanging out with greg can also mean "MAJOR BITCHING SESSION". He never fails to fill me with so so so much gossip. Come back soon, at. (i'm saving up to fly down in dec though. take a trip around perth and then to sydney. (((: )

i should be doing my work now.
No inspiration, or rather, motivation.
HOW?!

2008-02-09T13:10:00.001+08:00

a family

2008-02-08T09:12:00.000+08:00

for the first time ever, i talked to my cousin. family gathering over my dad's side used to be such an awkward affair. because we only see each other once a year. and that can't be help because you can't possible squeeze 12 families in the SIT flats in tiong bahru every weekend. he was there doing sketching and jotting things in his sketch book too. being in a design course turns people into a muggertoad. :X
and his course sounds so interesting, i'm so tempted to transfer to ntu. why do i feel that i'm more inclined to produce an art piece (that could be seemingly warped) than a thought provoking architecture?

and for once and for all, i'm not studying 'architect', i'm in architecture. but of course, i do study some architects.

so much commitments in this measy 4 days break.
they didn't explicitly told us that there's work to do, but don't we all know, there's CRIT on monday.
BAH.

submission is on friday and i'm nowhere near completion. SO DEAD.

2008-02-06T10:14:00.000+08:00

this is what happened and is happening and will be happening.

0545 and my alarm rang. but you see, last night i'd contemplated not going to school today (like for 2hrs of lect, i've to travel 3hrs..). so,of course, the inertia is soooo mightily high, i went back to sleep. i woke up at 0900 anyway. lecture just started.

i'm in uni and i still feel guilty when i skipped lectures. have i told anyone? i'd only been to one econs lecture (got webcast, see).
and i still hope to score for this module.
:X

so, to atone for this 'sin', i will stay home (for now), and complete my 60 words Bahasa indo essay on my house. and do all my research and do my econs readings...

i still want to go to little india to get my eyebrows thread.
just that my sister told me that there's a rampant spread of malaria there..
and i said never mind cos it's up to god to decide whether i'm to die or not.
but because i'm home now, little india is so FAR away.
OH MAN.

words that are not meant will be the death of me.
because everything has been laced with intention, sharp and vicious.
like the shining blade lurking behind the wall.
in this misery, i wave goodbye.

what made my day so much better was when tasha walked to me and gave me a kiss on my lips.
this child has been my smile.
what am i to do when she leave?

drain me dry

2008-02-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

i'm way beyond thinking,
i'm spent.

i bit my lips and i didn't meant it.

pee on my bag.

order and persuation,
composition of space,
security and free.

i need to coordinate my coordinates.
i'm getting lost in here.

studio was supposed to end at six but we ended at eight.
i need to start on econs tutorial.

9-10 econs tutorial in SDE,
10-11 indo class in arts,
11-1 construction lect in SDE.
tmr i'll be racing against time getting from one end to the other.
hurry me.

no-through tone from the phone.

missed call at midnight.

broken heart surgery,
bite mark on my lips.

slip and fall,
cry and call.

you got to be kidding me,
i'm actually upset.

because it is at such random speech will i clear my spinning head.

2008-02-02T12:16:00.000+08:00

compute my allegiance.
if it's enough to dispute, let the jury decide.
if it's an unanimous decision, i will stand and be proclaimed guilty.
let me be put behind bars,
lest my sanity get disturb.
i will be in there, till insanity sets me free.

i'm not alone and that's enough.

intention?

2008-01-31T20:26:00.000+08:00

what is it that he wants?
recently he kept raising his eyebrows at me.

scary.

every picture tells a story, believe me.

plies.. point.. poise.

2008-01-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

look at you, taking the world on your own.

because i'd committed everything to memory.
because this is how my head works.

i met my ex-bestfriend today.
it's queer because before that i was thinking it's about time to come home.
and then i saw this person,
he walked,
he ran his fingers through his hair,
isn't that..?
funny, everyone's getting fat.
it's the same.

breathing, movement, emotions.

i need to start work.
:X

econs, thou art the bane of my life.

2008-01-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

i kept forgetting why i suffered so much under the cruel invisible hand of dear ole economics. and then today, i realised, she's back to haunt me, again. understanding, yes i do, but doing data response questions can just kill me. She and her crazy theories. How can they even make sense if the one condition, ceteris paribus, can't even be hold true in the real world. sorry, i should make myself clear, i'm referring to the ever-so-full-of-paradox microeconomics.

anyhows, i had a blast doing economics tutorial, like demand and supply tutorial. i can't believe i needed greg's help to complete it.

Microeconomics, i am really not a big fan of yours. unlike architecture, i don't love you at all.

BAH.
:X

seek ye first

2008-01-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

thank god thank god.
it was right in my face, i must have been blind. (ain't we all?).

Henceforth, don't read if u bore easily from my archi-thoughts. architecture student see..
(:

i need to make another declaration, i found another artist with COOL thoughts.

Rirkrit Tiravanija.
he said;
"it is not what you see that is important but what takes place between people."
he sets a stage, offers the opportunity and then leaves it for people to participate.

he arranged furniture in a museum, set up a curry cooker and cooked while visitors carried on viewing the exhibitions.

it is the integration of art and life which fascinate me.
"art has many levels. you have to make your own level."

i am so awe-struck.

oh yea.
god willingly, i am performing this oct in the substation!
"play with me"
watch it.
((:

when living lifted it's weight off my crooked back, i stood and realised how much i have not seen.
like a child finally able to stand, a whole new perspective i see.
life is no longer just the ceiling, but a world of horizontals and verticals, curves and edges.
thank God.
(:

in my head.

2008-01-27T17:36:00.000+08:00

i was too desperate for inspiration,
my head felt like it's stuffed with cotton wool.
and out of that utter desperation,
i went out for a walk in the dark and sat on the same green bench.
there's something mysterious about just being in the dark and listening to the wind.

i'm still feeling this stuffed-cotton-wool in my head. i've no idea why.
this semester proves to be not an easy task to tackle.
second week and i'm already on the verge of giving up (says who?).

i have zero inspiration. HELP!

2008-01-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

it's nice to get a goodnight kiss every night.
(if you don't mind having your face smeared with her saliva)

night life in dempsey is amazing.
the practically empty place were packed with laughters and handshakes this friday night.
holland v in the night now doesn't seem as enticing as dempsey.
(of course, the $$ is way higher too..)
gilsy, let's have dinner/supper/drinking again, soon!

i declared today an offday.
i think i had too many offdays.
my deadline is running into me.

bummers.
i like watching cooking shows.
(and i can't stand awkward and retarded host.)

too many brackets today.
too many post because i was slacking like a potato today.

nothingness

2008-01-25T17:17:00.001+08:00

i can't have nothing to do.
i'll go mad.

starry night.

2008-01-24T00:06:00.001+08:00

i am more interested in vincent van gogh than any big other big architects.
:X
okay, maybe not.
but the architects i fancy all died as queerly as this painter.
like louis kahn.

dragon lady.

2008-01-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

"beware the dragon lady."
i need to watch a new play soon.

anyhow,
as usual dance classes are always major muscle-ache inducing sessions.
in a few months, you can see me with perfectly strong back muscle and abs.
HUR.

i have a secret (which i will openly say here),
i haven't done anything for thursday studio yet.
so dead,
i think i might have to stay over in school tmr.
i can't work at home because i'm tired all the time.
being in studio transforms me into superman.
:X

boom cha cha.

i need a car
(and a valid license).

new studio

2008-01-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

i want to talk about my new studio master.
he said, "i'm here to learn from you."
and he is currently reading the book "the ignorant schoolmaster".
and today i told him,
"i think wishes are very far-fetched so i don't have any. So let's just make design work."

and one last thing,
he has really quirky shirts.
today he wore this black blazer with a collar shirt filled with big vibrant flowers, and a cotton cartoon tshirt inside.

my studio master.
have you met him?

bye bye

2008-01-20T21:42:00.000+08:00

come back soon, at!

anyway,
i've research to do for tmr studio session but i'm a major procastinator.
where in the world is DAMPSEY road anyway?
after the stint designing something behind central library,
now we move on to designing a pavilion beside St George church.
so fun huh.
it's an individual work and i'm so dead.

filming yesterday went all so well,
"like i'm sooooooo tired."
and,
"and my pretty sword!"
i wouldn't mind going into theatrics.
and that will be my second career option,
if i fail to become a pro/mies-like/kahn-like/le corb-like architect.
HUR.

and finally,
dance class on tuesdays!
because that is when i can dance my heart away.
my new love.